he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
