Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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