When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
