You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
