I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
