Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
