I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
