If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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