I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Sober January is a disaster.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
