just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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