Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
