just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
