Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
