I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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