No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
