Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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