On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
