Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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