my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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