True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
