"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
