Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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