We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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