I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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