Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
