i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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