How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize