he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
