she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
