I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
