I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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