belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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