My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
