Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
