so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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