3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
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I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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