Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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