easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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