you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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