So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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