You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize