Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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