i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
