Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
