Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
they call him Oral-B. enough said
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
