Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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