i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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