Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need a burrito and a hug.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
