My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
