I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
