there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
