I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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