I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
