I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
