ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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