Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
