we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
