Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
