Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
