mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
