Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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