im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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