so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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