I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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