So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
