He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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