There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
