Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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