I can text with my tongue
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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